Cape Fear

(Aside: you wouldn't believe how thrilled I am by the title to this post. I keep giggling at my own genius. I toyed briefly with "Get Cape! Wear Cape! Fly!" but it seemed too exciteable.)

Apologies, gals and... other gals, for the long absence of ASK TFFF: what with dashing between London, Milan, and Paris; securing exclusive interviews with Valentino designer Alessandra Facchinetti ahead of her debut ready-to-wear show in Paris today (yes, I am showing off); and a busy schedule of throwing cellphones at assistants and dashing in and out of rehab, we've had barely a minute to turn our collective attention to your pressing questions.

Enough: this week's question comes from the lovely Tina, of somewhere in Germany, who asks, "Würde ein Kap einer curvy Abbildung entsprechen? Mit und was würde ein es tragen?"

Just kidding! With thanks to Babelfish for that hilarity. Really, the question was: "Am I cape capeable? Will I look like a swash-buckling dandy highwayman, or perhaps a badly-drawn superhero? And is there something besides the jeans-into-boots combo I can wear my swishy half-coat, half-bat accessory with?"

Firstly, the pitfalls. The cape reeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaally needs to be long: a dinky lil' cape just won't cut it. However generous the cut, inevitably your generous bosom will cause the short cape -- or capelet -- to rest 'pon it, forming more of a ruff. And you will look like this:


"Something is always wrong, Balders. The fact that I am not a millionaire aristocrat with the sexual capacity of a rutting rhino is a constant niggle."

There's some sartorial whimsy to Blackadder's look, yes, but I'm going to go ahead and assume that he's not anyone's style guru. Also, avoid red, unless, well... y'know:



So, length; lots of material -- a cape should swish and hang free, rather than stretch tight over shoulders. Those are the only rules. As for what to wear it with: as capes are fairly loose, they go well with a form-fitting silhouette. If the skinny jeans + flat boots + cape look is a little too equestrian/Nazi Mufti Day for your tastes, a pencil skirt and fitted tank would look great; ditto skinny fit jeans with a little pair of heels; or perhaps a well-fitted dress -- think the Galaxy -- to the knee. A cape layered over a loose tunic, baggy sweater dress, or floor-length skirt/maxi dress, may make you look just slightly like you're wearing a duvet, and possibly that you're out for a day of shoplifting pillows.

Ultimately, it's all about whether you feel you can carry off the DRAMA! of a cape. (Yes, they are so dramatic that it deserves capitals and an exclam. Remember, Batman wears one.) Just experiment!

Unfortunately at the time of going to what I shall laughably call 'press', there were few capes to be seen on the high street. Or indeed, the interwebs. Occasionally they come into fashion, but more often are to be found at flea markets, vintage stores, charity shops, and eBay. Though if any of our delightful readers has seen a cape or two at a proper shop and wants to email me the link, I'd gladly re-edit the post and pass their eagle eye off as my own.