My massage brings all the boys to the yard

It's the first real post of our return and I'm going to be entirely selfish and talk about Neal's Yard, massages, and beauty products, rather than dive right into the nitty-gritty of plus fashion. (All that stuff to come, promise!)

London's super-cool Neal's Yard, the tiniest, shoppiest courtyard in the capital

Right, we've had Halloween (I came as the credit crunch, thinking I was all clever, then I read the Halloween post on Stuff White People Like and had my dreams once again kiboshed), then there was some sort of election, not sure if you guys heard about that... and swiftly on the heels of that, came Guy Fawkes Night, at least if you're British. (This is where we incite religious hatred by burning effigies of Roman Catholics to celebrate the defeat of Medieval terrorism. And there are toffee apples.)

Anyhoo: the calendar moves on pretty fast in the autumn; all that's left is Remembrance Day tomorrow, and then we're on the home stretch to Christmas/Chrismukkah/Happy Birthday Jesus Day/present-giving. November through December is basically an unholy combination of cold weather, festive parties, and a hella lot of shopping. (How you guys cope with Thanksgiving in the mix is beyond me.)

One of my favourite brands, Neal's Yard Remedies (they of the beautiful blue glass bottles and delicious-smelling organic goodies), has introduced the Retail Therapy massage throughout the UK for Christmas. The massage comes in two "flavours", Refresh, and Relax, which was my chosen option.

I'm not a crazy fan of massage, as I find being touched by people - even friends, relatives, boyfriends! - quite uncomfortable, but this was genuinely a revelation. As a long-term certified insomniac, I can say it's the best sleep solution evah. I slept like the dead after my 30-minute massage last Thursday.

This somnambulant miracle was brought to me by the hands of Denise Monroe, former model and wife of jewellery designer Alex Monroe, which added a level of glamour to proceedings. Incidentally, how beautiful are these Alex Monroe pieces?

Jewellery by Alex Monroe; 00 44 (0)20 7703 8507; alexmonroe.com

Er, anyway. One post at a time! Retail Therapy massages are available at Neal's Yard stores throughout the UK. £35 (London) or £25 (regional)for 30 minutes, including a gift box of two products to take away, worth £10. These also double as excellent presents/stocking fillers (depending on how generous you are), as I can attest, having already pawned some off on friends pretending I was treating them. I'm a charmer! Call 00 44 (0)1747 834634 to book, or visit the website.

Refresh is quite zingy, all geranium and orange, whilst relax is arnica, rose and pomegranate. I'm currently also using Neal's Yard orange flower shampoo and conditioner (£10 each), which is doing excellent work and smells delicious - combining nicely with my housemate's Christmassy-scented ginger and vanilla. (Organic Ginger and Vanilla Bath Oil, organic Ginger and Vanilla Body Lotion, and a Ginger and Vanilla Candle, £27.50 the set.)

Anyway, like I said I'm not usually a big massage fan but this really was the business, totally soothing, sorted my sleep problems out for a night or two, and at only half an hour didn't interfere with my ridonk schedule. Plus anytime a beauty treatment comes with products included in the price, it's a good thing, particularly PCC (post credit crunch).

Keep tuning in for a review of Gok Wan's new lingerie range and latest TV show, Miss Naked Beauty - and a shout-out to reader Sarah for her awesome underwear (in a sisterhood yay! sort of way rather than a creepy old dude in a basement way) - and then we'll finally get round to answering your questions, I've been wading through the 50 or so emails (!!!) we've got and trying to triage according to whose wedding/party/outfit emergency is soonest!

Heel we are now, entertain us

Dear reader

Have we told you lately that we love you? 'Cause we do. We could demonstrate our affection in numerous ways -- blowing kisses, sending love poetry, making awkward sexual advances to be sternly rebuffed, whatever.

Instead, we give you this, to say a happy new year, and thanks for reading:

Save 10% throughout January at online shoe heaven, Heels.Com, exclusively to Too Fat For Fashion, by entering the coupon code 'keep10' at checkout:

Heels.com is, as the name suggests, a shoe-tastic e-tailer, featuring shoes from designers like Betsey Johnson, Marc by Marc Jacobs, and LAMB. Like Cher from Clueless, I'm very picky about my shoes, and joyously, this site lets you narrow your choice by style, brand, colour, heel height and size -- or a combination! Check it out, and happy shopping:


Clockwise from bottom left: Cognac flat with zipper flower detail, $347.99, Marc by Marc Jacobs; Cream-and-black vintage court, $234.99, Betsey Johnson; Leopard-print stiletto, $81.99, Steve Madden; Black-and-white peep toe, $212.99, BCBG Maxazria; Brown leather buckled mary-jane, $124.99, by Corso Como. All from Heels.Com.

She's a total Betty!

My favourite luxury sportswear brand, Sweaty Betty, has just launched a new plus size range, in UK sizes 16 to 20 (approx. US 12 to 16): B.Betty. Excellently, the range consists of the most popular items from the standard collection, re-cut to fit the fuller figure (rather than the usual practice of selling totally different stuff from the rest of the store).


Rose rolldown pant, £45; Razi V-neck Tee, £38; Ruth Plunge Vest, £35, all B.Betty at Sweaty Betty.

If you head to the Sweaty Betty website before 19 December, you can get an awesome 10% discount off the B.Betty plus size collection. Just type B.Betty in the box when you checkout.