My massage brings all the boys to the yard

It's the first real post of our return and I'm going to be entirely selfish and talk about Neal's Yard, massages, and beauty products, rather than dive right into the nitty-gritty of plus fashion. (All that stuff to come, promise!)

London's super-cool Neal's Yard, the tiniest, shoppiest courtyard in the capital

Right, we've had Halloween (I came as the credit crunch, thinking I was all clever, then I read the Halloween post on Stuff White People Like and had my dreams once again kiboshed), then there was some sort of election, not sure if you guys heard about that... and swiftly on the heels of that, came Guy Fawkes Night, at least if you're British. (This is where we incite religious hatred by burning effigies of Roman Catholics to celebrate the defeat of Medieval terrorism. And there are toffee apples.)

Anyhoo: the calendar moves on pretty fast in the autumn; all that's left is Remembrance Day tomorrow, and then we're on the home stretch to Christmas/Chrismukkah/Happy Birthday Jesus Day/present-giving. November through December is basically an unholy combination of cold weather, festive parties, and a hella lot of shopping. (How you guys cope with Thanksgiving in the mix is beyond me.)

One of my favourite brands, Neal's Yard Remedies (they of the beautiful blue glass bottles and delicious-smelling organic goodies), has introduced the Retail Therapy massage throughout the UK for Christmas. The massage comes in two "flavours", Refresh, and Relax, which was my chosen option.

I'm not a crazy fan of massage, as I find being touched by people - even friends, relatives, boyfriends! - quite uncomfortable, but this was genuinely a revelation. As a long-term certified insomniac, I can say it's the best sleep solution evah. I slept like the dead after my 30-minute massage last Thursday.

This somnambulant miracle was brought to me by the hands of Denise Monroe, former model and wife of jewellery designer Alex Monroe, which added a level of glamour to proceedings. Incidentally, how beautiful are these Alex Monroe pieces?

Jewellery by Alex Monroe; 00 44 (0)20 7703 8507; alexmonroe.com

Er, anyway. One post at a time! Retail Therapy massages are available at Neal's Yard stores throughout the UK. £35 (London) or £25 (regional)for 30 minutes, including a gift box of two products to take away, worth £10. These also double as excellent presents/stocking fillers (depending on how generous you are), as I can attest, having already pawned some off on friends pretending I was treating them. I'm a charmer! Call 00 44 (0)1747 834634 to book, or visit the website.

Refresh is quite zingy, all geranium and orange, whilst relax is arnica, rose and pomegranate. I'm currently also using Neal's Yard orange flower shampoo and conditioner (£10 each), which is doing excellent work and smells delicious - combining nicely with my housemate's Christmassy-scented ginger and vanilla. (Organic Ginger and Vanilla Bath Oil, organic Ginger and Vanilla Body Lotion, and a Ginger and Vanilla Candle, £27.50 the set.)

Anyway, like I said I'm not usually a big massage fan but this really was the business, totally soothing, sorted my sleep problems out for a night or two, and at only half an hour didn't interfere with my ridonk schedule. Plus anytime a beauty treatment comes with products included in the price, it's a good thing, particularly PCC (post credit crunch).

Keep tuning in for a review of Gok Wan's new lingerie range and latest TV show, Miss Naked Beauty - and a shout-out to reader Sarah for her awesome underwear (in a sisterhood yay! sort of way rather than a creepy old dude in a basement way) - and then we'll finally get round to answering your questions, I've been wading through the 50 or so emails (!!!) we've got and trying to triage according to whose wedding/party/outfit emergency is soonest!

Grabby Hands

And now for part two in our Hot List 2008, or things I'm totally excited about this year.

Clockwise from top left: black sunglasses
Hexagonal panel box bag, £25 from Topshop, available in apple green, teal, black and gold (not available on the website)
Floral blouse, also from Topshop
5ml perfume oil, from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab, $17.50
Trouser jeans
Chloe Saskia bag, price varies at Brown's, Bergdorf's and Net a Porter
Purple Haze nail polish, $18 at Rescue Beauty Lounge

Bold Bags
I'm fond of these two bags for their unique shapes and bright colours. The Chloe Saskia, which comes in all varieties of style and colour, is a knockout with its scrumptious bold leathers and Lucite handles (classier than a pair of clear heels). Topshop's Hexagonal Panel Box Bag is perfect for getting away from giant “could fit an Olsen twin in this” bags and has just enough space for your essentials for a night out or an afternoon in the park.

Chunky black sunglasses
I own a gazillion pairs of trendy sunglasses (turquoise Wayfarers!) thanks to Forever 21 and ebay but am on the lookout for my one perfect pair this year, preferably black. My fave source is ebay’s Smash Vintage, who always have the cutest vintage inspired styles and great customer service to boot

Violet nail polish
I stocked up on tons of dark colours this winter but for spring and summer I am all about bright purple shades. I like Rescue Beauty Lounge's new hue, Purple Haze, as well as Nail's Inc's Belgrave Place and OPI's Do You Lilac It.

Dainty prints
Like Topshop's floral blouses and skirts for spring

Smelling nice
On my list for spring fragrance: Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab’s “The Passionate Shepherd to His Love” perfume oil based on the Christopher Marlowe poem (limited edition love poem oils run until March 23). Notes of heather, clover, Irish moss, English ivy, tea rose and carnation guaranteed to make you want to frolic in a grassy field.

Trouser jeans
As much as I love my skinny jeans I don’t know if I want to go through another warm season with denim sticking to my legs
Available: Old Navy, Gap, Svoboda

I'm Mrs Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous

Thanks for the Paris recs, you guys: I'm super-psyched for my shopping extravaganza. So much so that I bought new tan leather boots today in preparation. Why give Paris all the credit card love, right?

Now, onto Miss J's latest brainwave of brilliance. We, the contributing writers of this site, and actual professional fashion peeps to boot, are going to share with you our 2008 Hot Lists. Unlike the hot lists/what's cool now/must-haves that you'll see in glossy magazines, which are more or less paid for by PRs and corporations, these lists are 100% genuine. If we love it, covet it, and stare madly at it whilst security edges towards us, concerned by that evil glint in our eye, it goes on the blog. If a PR offers us bribes, but we're not so taken with their wares, we turn down the bribes. (Unless it's like, a YSL Downtown bag. We're not insane.)


Clockwise from top left: Motherfucker gold chain, $12.99 from Girl Props
Vogue Covers, £24 from Amazon
Adele's 19 album, around £8 from Amazon
Undercover x P.A.M. Black Mass Lamp, price on request from selected dealers
Ms Angie Dickinson, priceless
Thrrrob rouge powder, $28 from Benefit.com
Juno Hamburger Phone, $15.99 from Sourcing Map

Hamburger Phone, as inspired by Juno

I'm sensing a general Michael Cera and Ellen Page backlash in my 'hood right now, and let me tell you, I'm against it. I won't have a word said against Juno, my girl EP (nor her tomboyish Oscars appearance), or my desperate need to have a hamburger phone just like our heroine's.

Petrol-blue trench from Peekaboo Vintage

Tragically I had to leave this on the hanger, and have no photograph, since it's not available online, and security dudes are kind of twitchy about peeps taking photographs of stock in case customers are secretly super-fly catwalk designers ripping off ideas. But if you were to imagine Angie Dickinson in turquoise trenchcoat form, well, that's what this fabulous coat would be like. My entire look is basically Angie inspired right now. I can't explain it, but I try and channel Ms Dickinson daily.

Vogue Covers: On Fashion's Front Page

Love it or hate it, you can't deny it – like Summer Roberts, Vogue is undeniable. This collection has covers from the heady days of models on the cover, illustrations from back in the day when Conde Nast was too cheap to fork out for a camera, and the current lousy era of Siennamilleritis, a nasty condition that affects fashion magazines like moths destroy clothing.

Undercover x P.A.M. Black Mass Lamp

You know how some days, you're reading Elle Deco and thinking, "Wow, this is lame, and kinda beige"? Whatever happened to the days of pimping out your pad serial-killer style? With this awesome lamp there's no need to go on a multi-state spree to collect enough skin for a lampshade – the designers behind Undercover and P.A.M. have done the work for you. [No humans were harmed in the making of this boss light.]

19 by Adele

Plus-size heroine, supercool teen (and damn all these kids on my lawn making successes of themselves whilst they're still, like, 12, or whatever), and soulful singer – Kanye West called her single, Chasing Pavements, "dope!!!!!!!". (Exclamation marks Mr West's. See what happens when you're a college dropout? Your punctuation goes all flooey.) Also, I covet her umbrella in this picture. Rhianna's not the only one with awesome taste in rainwear.

Thrrrob Face Powder by Benefit

Benefit's powders are all practically perfect in every way, but this new pink blush is doubly so. When you are very pale owing to the drains in this house, a la the heroine of Daisy Ashford's The Young Visiters [sic], and you must excuse yourself to put some rouge on your cheeks, use this pleasing pink powder.

Motherfucker necklace

Five very wise philosophers, aka the Spice Girls, once said, "Silence is golden... but shouting is fun." This necklace is both golden AND shouty, and is therefore awesome. I'd love to be tasteful and considered each day, but a girl can only fit so many little black cocktail dresses into her wardrobe before she gets bored and has to pull on her stomping boots, fix on this necklace, and go out spoilin' for a fight.

So that's my brain right now. In 2008, I want to be Angie Dickinson, wearing pink blush, crude jewellery, sitting in my serial-killer lair listening to Adele whilst calling up cute boys on my burg' phone and flicking through Vogue covers. Possibly accessorised with nail polish in Schiaparelli pink, but y'know, I'm not fussy on the details.

You know you love me, xoxo Gossip Girl Harriet Olivia

Back to the Future

You've seen all the catwalk shows, you've read the magazines, you've even spotted a trend or two on the high street... but you're still not clear on what 2008 holds for your wardrobe. Luckily, TFFF has gazed into its crystal ball (it's big and shiny and fabulous! -- we're thinking of having it set into platinum, wearing it on our ring finger, and pretending we're engaged to.. I dunno, someone fashionable), and possibly we also interviewed Dawn Pedersen, the Creative Director of trend-spotting company TRENDZINE, to let our readers know what the future holds...

The lovely Dawn was in Milan -- working on trends for S/S '09! -- at the time of the interview, so we're talking staccato keywords rather than in-depth answers, but we hope this helps in planning your shopping in this, the last year to end in an '08' in the first decade of this century.

Keywords for 2008

Transparency (lighter fabrics, look out for the new sheer cropped pants layered under dresses set to take over from leggings). Clean lines (split-level layering less decoration and more focus on fabric quality). New softer trousers (this season's jodhpur shape morphs into a softer ethnic pant for summer). Lux sportswear in fabulous fabrics for any occasion. Consumers will slowly edge out of 'it bag' mode and move towards other luxuries, i.e. expensive watches and jewellery will gain ground.

Length

Extremes will be the hottest news from daring cocktail shorts to midi and long length dresses.

Shape

The waist continues to be a focal point but generally clothes follow a slim straight silhouette.

Colour

Expect the unexpected; darker than usual in summer and pastels in winter. Mixtures of neutrals and flashes of brights.

Prints

Lots of floral patterns especially on lighter sheer fabrics. Fantasy style prints (take over from gothic symbols)

Fast versus Ethical Fashion

Fast fashion -- there's always room for fast fashion stores that supply cheap, trend-led clothing. The media attention surrounding eco-fashion was big last year and the interest should continue. Consumers are in the driving seat and will make the biggest difference. Designers mustn't rely on the 'Eco' tag and make design the primary consideration to attract more consumers.

***

Don't forget to scroll down to my Heels.com post, where you can save 10% off shoes, exclusively to TFFF, until the end of January -- only 17 days left!

Heel we are now, entertain us

Dear reader

Have we told you lately that we love you? 'Cause we do. We could demonstrate our affection in numerous ways -- blowing kisses, sending love poetry, making awkward sexual advances to be sternly rebuffed, whatever.

Instead, we give you this, to say a happy new year, and thanks for reading:

Save 10% throughout January at online shoe heaven, Heels.Com, exclusively to Too Fat For Fashion, by entering the coupon code 'keep10' at checkout:

Heels.com is, as the name suggests, a shoe-tastic e-tailer, featuring shoes from designers like Betsey Johnson, Marc by Marc Jacobs, and LAMB. Like Cher from Clueless, I'm very picky about my shoes, and joyously, this site lets you narrow your choice by style, brand, colour, heel height and size -- or a combination! Check it out, and happy shopping:


Clockwise from bottom left: Cognac flat with zipper flower detail, $347.99, Marc by Marc Jacobs; Cream-and-black vintage court, $234.99, Betsey Johnson; Leopard-print stiletto, $81.99, Steve Madden; Black-and-white peep toe, $212.99, BCBG Maxazria; Brown leather buckled mary-jane, $124.99, by Corso Como. All from Heels.Com.

Lip Service

Doesn't winter suck? I know I keep waxing lyrical about tweeds and leather boots, or sounding positively Julie Andrews-esque as I talk about warm woollen mittens, and, okay, I do enjoy a Gingerbread Latte or ten. But: the hair frizz! The dried skin from biting cold winds and too much central heating! The mottled hands from constantly losing my gloves! The ugh, the everything!

The biggest body victim each winter is my lips -- I'm a lip licker, especially when I'm stressed. I constantly suck, bite, lick and chew on my own face, like a reaver, when I'm writing or drawing, or whatever. (I'm doing it right now.) Add this saliva overdose to the wintery weather, and you have a recipe for disaster.

Luckily, I am a lipbalm addict. I should go to Lipbalm Anonymous meetings and take the twelve-step plan. Except I'm assuming that one of those steps would be to give up the 'balm. That I cannot do. I was clearing out my handbag yesterday, since it had become so heavy, and discovered I was toting around no fewer than SIXTEEN lip balms, glosses, and sticks. Sixteen.

A quick rummage in my coat and jean pockets confirmed that the total about my person was an almost-too-embarrassing-to-confess twenty-one. You read that correctly: in addition to the sixteen in my bag, I had scattered some further five balms throughout my pockets, just in case.

Because the thing is, winter can have its great moments: drinking peppermint hot chocolate by the fireside, eating Lebkuchen whilst watching The Great Escape for the hundredth time, kissing your honey...and what fun is kissing with chapped, winter lips? To make your winter magical, dip a finger into one of these:


Burts Bees Beeswax Lipbalm Tin, $3.00, from Burts Bees; Rose & Co. Apothecary Sweet Violet Salve, £5.00, from Rose & Co; Carmex, $1.49, from CVS; Smith's Rosebud Salve, $6.00, from Sephora; Sheer Gold Lip Shimmer salve, £5.00 from Liz Earle; L'Occitane Honey Harvest Creamy Honey Lip Balm, $10.00, from Kiss Fix; Benetint Lipbalm, $20.00 from Benefit; Lip Service, £3.95, from Lush; Vaseline Lip Therapy with Aloe Vera, £0.96, from Boots; Kiehl's Moisturising Lipgloss in Black Raspberry, $11.50, from Kiehl's.

How Sweet It Is!

TFFF never got to properly celebrate our anniversary (can you believe its been over a year) but thankfully our friends at Vosges Haute Chocolate were kind enough to send us a some delectable chocolate in honor of it.

As a rule I only talk about things I actually like on the blog so believe me when I say I love this stuff. I might actually be addicted to the Macha Tea Bar, its that good. I just wanted to give a little shout out and say thanks to Paige and co. for treating us to these incredible delicacies.

Now, since were already on the subject of chocolate feel free to chime in with your favorites.