Hunting High and Low: Cocktail Rings

Although I am best known for my snobbery, bitchitude and unmitigated hatred of most people, I am in fact a softee at heart, and there are many things I love. Like, love love love skip through the daisies sing songs epic love.

Among these things are: cocktails, mostly because of their alcohol content, and gesticulating wildly to make my point, because my voice isn't very loud so I use my hands as my own personal back-up band. Usually I try not to combine the two, because gesticulating wildly whilst holding a cocktail usually ends up with the cocktail accidentally thrown in someone's face, and if I'm going to be hurling drinks in people's faces, I want to make the most of it and not be doing it accidentally. (Ideally you want to wear matte red lipstick and hurl a dirty martini, combine this with a killer exit line and a spin on your high-heels as you storm out for maximum effect.)

There is one thing that combines cocktails (sort of) and adult jazz hands, and that's this summer's biggest jewellery trend, the cocktail ring. Cocktail rings are big, hefty, heavy bad-boys of the jewellery world. They are not for simpering girls or thin, pale fingers: your hand has to bear a lot of weight for these rings. They're a woman's ring, requiring gravitas, money and panache.

They're especially good for the following: hailing taxis - the jewels will glint in the sun and the driver has to slow down for the glare! Smoking - lifting your hand up to smoke shows off that giant bauble on your finger. Result! Punching a cheating cad in the face - the faceted jewel should leave a nice welt. Etc.

The key to cocktail rings is not subtlety: this isn't pretty, girly, floral la la la jewellery. It's bold, brassy, knock-em-dead knuckleduster jewellery. The sort of rings you imagine adorn the hands of sexy divorcees in dodgy soap operas. Look out for gold, oversized gems, tiger and snake motifs, etc.

Here are TFFF's picks for the best cocktail rings, whatever your budget:


Top row (L-R): Banana Republic, Urban Outfitters, Topshop. Second row (L-R): CK Calvin Klein, Lalique, Lola Rose. Third row (L-R): Hannah Martin, Lara Bohinc, Roberto Cavalli.

I won it in a bubblegum machine: $15 - $35
Cabochon enamel ring $34.00 from Banana Republic
Tiger eyes ring $16.00 from Urban Outfitters
Ball (heh) ring approx. $17.00 from Topshop

My divorce lawyer is excellent: $100 - $275
Orange eternity ring approx. $109 by CK Calvin Klein from John Lewis
Green cabochon ring approx. $275.00 from Lalique
Silver 'pom pom' ring approx. $109.00 from Lola Rose

My name is Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan: $300+
Gold eagle ring approx. $5000 by Hannah Martin from Nina and Lola
Liberace ring approx. $300 by Lara Bohinc from Browns
Green serpent ring approx. $500 by Roberto Cavalli from Net-a-Porter

My favourite is the gorgeous cabochon by Lalique - it's available in more colours than Angelina Jolie's family: green, pink, clear, black, lagoon blue, turquoise, moss, seafoam, lilac, red and orange. If I didn't think it would be tacky, I'd wear one on every finger. Who am I kidding? I'd do that ESPECIALLY if I thought it'd be tacky. C'mon.

At the cheaper end, I really do love that Topshop ring - I think it's unusual yet chic, and despite the thrifty pricetag it doesn't look cheap or nasty. I'd wear the tiger ring (Urban Outfitters has a GREAT selection of wacky, unusual costume cocktail rings) to a metal bar.