Lip Service

Doesn't winter suck? I know I keep waxing lyrical about tweeds and leather boots, or sounding positively Julie Andrews-esque as I talk about warm woollen mittens, and, okay, I do enjoy a Gingerbread Latte or ten. But: the hair frizz! The dried skin from biting cold winds and too much central heating! The mottled hands from constantly losing my gloves! The ugh, the everything!

The biggest body victim each winter is my lips -- I'm a lip licker, especially when I'm stressed. I constantly suck, bite, lick and chew on my own face, like a reaver, when I'm writing or drawing, or whatever. (I'm doing it right now.) Add this saliva overdose to the wintery weather, and you have a recipe for disaster.

Luckily, I am a lipbalm addict. I should go to Lipbalm Anonymous meetings and take the twelve-step plan. Except I'm assuming that one of those steps would be to give up the 'balm. That I cannot do. I was clearing out my handbag yesterday, since it had become so heavy, and discovered I was toting around no fewer than SIXTEEN lip balms, glosses, and sticks. Sixteen.

A quick rummage in my coat and jean pockets confirmed that the total about my person was an almost-too-embarrassing-to-confess twenty-one. You read that correctly: in addition to the sixteen in my bag, I had scattered some further five balms throughout my pockets, just in case.

Because the thing is, winter can have its great moments: drinking peppermint hot chocolate by the fireside, eating Lebkuchen whilst watching The Great Escape for the hundredth time, kissing your honey...and what fun is kissing with chapped, winter lips? To make your winter magical, dip a finger into one of these:


Burts Bees Beeswax Lipbalm Tin, $3.00, from Burts Bees; Rose & Co. Apothecary Sweet Violet Salve, £5.00, from Rose & Co; Carmex, $1.49, from CVS; Smith's Rosebud Salve, $6.00, from Sephora; Sheer Gold Lip Shimmer salve, £5.00 from Liz Earle; L'Occitane Honey Harvest Creamy Honey Lip Balm, $10.00, from Kiss Fix; Benetint Lipbalm, $20.00 from Benefit; Lip Service, £3.95, from Lush; Vaseline Lip Therapy with Aloe Vera, £0.96, from Boots; Kiehl's Moisturising Lipgloss in Black Raspberry, $11.50, from Kiehl's.

Perfect 10: Baby, It's Cold Outside

After a number of successful shopping trips, (including forcing the Gap to reduce a navy blue Italian Merino wool sweater to £20, thanks to a teeny tiny hole in the sleeve, that once darned was invisible!), wherein I returned home laden with deliciously wintery things, I got to thinking about my perfect capsule winter wardrobe.


The eagle-eyed among you will spot twelve items. But two are boots, so that's eleven. And my Perfect Ten goes up to eleven. So neener neener.

I realised that though the objects are often the same for all of us -- a fine-knit sweater, leather boots, a coat -- the execution is often very different. One woman's perfect winter coat is another woman's charity donation. You know how you can read a fashion spread on a particular accessory, say...hats, and it can really put you off if the stylist hasn't found at least one hat that you love? And then you get all grumpy about the lack of nice hats and kick the magazine across the room and vow to go hatless, because everything's so unfair?! (And when I say 'you' I mean 'me', obvie. I am a grumpy fashion diva.)

So rather than scouring my look-books to share a specific Perfect Ten with you, I've listed my desires with a brief explanation as to why I prefer them that way. These are all illustrated by my fair hand so you have some dorky visuals to amuse you; but really I'd like to hear what your Perfect Ten would be. Are you a leather or Wellington boot gal? Do you eschew gloves in favour of a muffler? Hate hats and love earwarmers? Wear the same coat for years on end but stock up annually on thermal undergarments?

Share your shopping secrets with fellow TFFF readers: perhaps you know the best place to get knee-high boots with room in the calf; or coats with extra room for boobs that still nip in at the waist. Here are my ten pieces that I can't live without each winter:

1. The Boot.

For me, they have to be leather. One pair of knee-highs: flat, black, riding-boots, often with a buckle detail at the reverse. It just happens to be the most stylish option, for me. I also like to have a pair of scruffy, scuffy, flat ankle boots. I prefer these to be somewhat deconstucted: no zip, no buckle, no fuss, no muss. Just some sort of slip on, battered boot, maybe with a leather tie. Must be flat, must be tan leather. To be worn with opaque tights, legwarmers and miniskirts.

2. The Tweed Skirt.

I have several winter skirts (including a leather miniskirt, so I may not be the most sensible judge of what constitutes winter wear...), but my favourite this season is a tweed, mid-calf pencil/fishtail skirt. Look for a lined version. On a cold day, with knee-high riding boots, this will keep you warm and make you look like a sexy schoolmarm. (Wear with a thin black alice band for extra oomph.) I'm loathe to ever say one body type looks better than another in any style; but in this case I'll make an exception. Pencil skirts just seem tailor made for plus bodies: the shape of the skirt and the roundness of bottoms and thighs are just MFEO.

3. The Hat.

I may have a drawful of woollen beanies and snuggly things, and a gorgeous tweed-and-gold Phillip Treacy number, but I always return to the old faithful: a flat cap. It keeps you warm and keeps the rain off, without fuzzing up your hair like a beanie would; plus there's something so chic about a cap, especially when worn with a blazer, spectacles and leather school satchel. I especially like versions in corduroy.

4. The Scarf.

So many of us press the same tattered old scarf into service year after year, often ruining a chic outfit with its tatty, weathered tassels. Scarves need love too! This season I'll be channelling Isadora Duncan (without the horrific fatal accident...) with a long, chunky-knit scarf. So versatile: wrap it round and round your neck to imitate the Giles catwalk look; double it and loop it through itself to channel Posh Redbrick University Student style; or simply knot it and let it trail to your toes (best paired with wide-leg trousers and a tank top).

5. The Jumper.

Deepest, inkiest, darkest navy blue. Cashmere or Italian Merino wool. Fine knit as you can get. V-neck. Simple. Fitted. Good cuffs. Throw as much money as you can spare at this item. Accept no substitutes. Chunky sweaters look good piled up on the shelves, but make anyone bigger than a B cup look like they have uni-boob. A fine-knit sweater is infinitely more practical: layer it over a white shirt, or wear on its own (with a camisole for added warmth), or top it with a cardigan, depending on how hot or cold you run.

6. The Slip.

Something about winter brings out the old-fashioned in me: the chilly weather makes me want to dress like a lady. Perhaps its simply to prevent hypothermia, but rarely a day goes by that I don't put on a slip underneath my outfit. It stops itchy wool jumpers scratching, gives you an extra layer of luxurious cosiness, and just makes you feel good. A silk camisole is a must-have, for me. I love them in blush pink or skin tones, rather than anything overtly underwear-y.

7. The Jean.

A good, warm, smart winter jean is a must have. In summer you can totally get away with a scruffy old pair with a hole in the bum, bobbles on the knee and frayed hems, teamed with rubber flip-flops and a vintage tee. But winter demands a little more structure. Wide-leg is not only on-trend, but hides a multitude of sins: I can wear socks and leg warmers under these babies without disrupting the line. They also look excellent paired with a jumper or a blouse (see below), or with a tank-top and a long traily scarf for an all-over 1970s look.

8. The Blouse.

Winter demands a luxe styling, and what's more luxe than a silk blouse? Something classic, with a twist: I have a plum silk blouse (a little like the picture would be if it wasn't rubbish) that I've had for several seasons now, and it never goes out of style. Choose something soft and feminine, in rich, plummy jewel tones, with a fun detail, like lace, or buttons, or a languid bow at the neck.

9. The Accessory.

Some would argue that the hat and the scarf are themselves accessories. I would put those people out on the street in English weather until they admitted that they are necessities, and bought me a cake. The brooch is the most versatile accessory for winter. Bangles get tangled in your sleeves, and earrings/necklaces get 'lost' in amongst hats and scarves and layers. You want something that 'finishes' the outfit without overdoing it. You can use a good brooch to pin your scarf, adorn your hat, add a finishing touch to the sweater, or jazz up a coat or blazer. Scour charity shops for cheapy costume jewellery versions.

10. The Coat.

Last winter I bought the yummiest coat: from Ghost, it was a sort of grey-lavender, bruised winter sky colour; deep v-neck; double-breasted jacket; in thick wool felt. I could just hug it. However it only suited trouser-based outfits: it looked great with a jean and neck scarf, but pair it with anything based around a dress or skirt? No. This year I'm going for a classic darkest navy, almost black-blue, long coat. I'm too short to go full-length, but around the knee area, I think. Gold buttons and gold brocade optional -- I may customise whatever I find myself.

So, go on: what will you be wearing this winter?

Models Eating Food...Sort of

New York Magazine's weekly The New York Diet column is a guilty pleasure of mine - it asks notable New Yorkers to share what they've munched on for a week and then publishes every detail. Now while I know some will bristle at the very idea of a food diary I have to say the results are strangely fascinating. I would never guessed that bubbly society fixture Tinsley Mortimer loved to chow down on steak and creamed spinach or that Mims was addicted to habichuela con dulce. Like it or not what we eat is a part of who we are. From the dishes we grew up on to our favorite snacks it all adds up to being a small bit of our personalities and sometimes reading these little blurbs can give a glimpse into someone's world. I have to admit to wondering just what my steady stream of soy lattes or undying love of avocados says about me but I suppose thats a separate entry.

This week the featured New Yorker is Aussie model Catherine McNeil, whose pouty lips and soulful eyes have been featured in the latest Versace ads. While I have to admit that Catherine has a beautiful face I can't help but be a little weirded out by the entries in her food diary.

Catherine McNeil and mixed greens.
Wednesday, November 7
 - I worked from 11 am to 7 p.m., shooting for Another magazine. I had a handful of nuts and some fruit for breakfast on the job. For lunch I had some vegetables and salad. When I got home, I was so tired that I passed out, so I didn’t eat dinner.

Thursday, November 8 - 
I had some scrambled eggs and fruit on the shoot. For lunch I had salad. I worked late and then went home and fell asleep, so I missed dinner again.


I don't like the sound of that at all. Maybe I'm missing something but that seems like a very low calorie intake. Especially for someone who is working all day. Don't get me wrong I am all for veggies and fruit and the sea bass at Barolo is great but there is something massively weird about her passing out two days in a row. Its a bit horrifying I have to say - just looking at what she's listed as is it seems as though she's not really eating all that much and while I know the whole "models don't eat a lot" thing isn't exactly news I feel like its still jarring. This is a teenager! She's still growing, she shouldn't be passing out. Period.

I much preferred model Missy Rayder's food diary from a few months back.

Sunday, March 4 - I went to Bar 6. I don’t know what they do, but no one’s French fries can compare to theirs. They’re long, thin, and they’re really greasy and super-crispy. I always get the turkey burger there. It’s a great neighborhood place to have — it’s easy and they’re open really late if you get hungry at midnight.

For dinner I went to Do Hwa; it’s the sister restaurant of Dok Suni’s. I always get the obok salad — it has noodles in it and it’s spicy — and the bulgogi, the beef you wrap up in lettuce.

Yes I am highlighting the french fry bit. Honestly, how often do you hear a model professing her love for anything that actually contains carbs. Missy had her veggies too but she also had lobster rolls, omelette's, guacamole, tamales and even a trip to Cold Stone Creamery. Her choices seemed realistic and she seemed to ::gasp:: actually enjoy eating. At the very least when I read through her selections I actually get the feeling that food wasn't a distant memory for her.

What says you? Should we worry about McNeil based on a weeks worth of information or am I jumping the gun with this?

Special thanks to Lorena for pointing me in the direction of Ms. McNeil's entry!

She's a total Betty!

My favourite luxury sportswear brand, Sweaty Betty, has just launched a new plus size range, in UK sizes 16 to 20 (approx. US 12 to 16): B.Betty. Excellently, the range consists of the most popular items from the standard collection, re-cut to fit the fuller figure (rather than the usual practice of selling totally different stuff from the rest of the store).


Rose rolldown pant, £45; Razi V-neck Tee, £38; Ruth Plunge Vest, £35, all B.Betty at Sweaty Betty.

If you head to the Sweaty Betty website before 19 December, you can get an awesome 10% discount off the B.Betty plus size collection. Just type B.Betty in the box when you checkout.

Hunting High & Low: "It’s not the toes," said Piglet, "so much as the ears."

In my case, it's not the ears, so much as the fingers. I rarely feel the cold anywhere except in my hands, which, come winter with its super fun combo of biting winds, low temperatures and icicles raining from the sky, makes my hands do an impression of a James Bond film: COLD-FINGERRRRRRRRRR!

Thank heavens then, for hand fashions: no glove, no love, as I believe the old saying goes. (Or as Mitch Leery once memorably said, "no hat, no glove".)

Not only will gloves keep your fingers toasty warm, but they're in fashion every season, unlike legwarmers, which are ridiculously practical, deliciously warm, but only occasionally trendy. There's also a myriad of options for covering your fingers (not even including anything dirty):

• The Original: a woollen glove.
• The Hobo: a woollen fingerless glove.
• The Kaiser: a leather fingerless glove.
• The Cruella DeVille: a long satin glove worn with cocktail rings on top.
• The Ralph Wiggum: woollen mittens.
• The Hybrid: a woollen, fingerless glove with an optional mitten-top.
• The Assassin: a regular leather glove.
• The You-Will-Get-Bullied: your choice of glove or mitten cunningly accessorised with a long ribbon threaded through the arms of your coat, so as not to lose them.

...and so on. Here's a selection of TFFF's favourites, in all sorts of styles, all available online: let your fingers do the walking!


SMITTEN KITTEN (under $20): Green knitted glove with button, by Topshop; Teal jersey glove with bow detail, by Miss Selfridge; Purple angora mitten with cord, by Urban Outfitters; Fingerless cashmere glove, by COS; Patchwork crochet fingerless glove, by Monsoon Accessorize.
ALL YOU NEED IS GLOVE ($30 to $85): Gold metallic leather fingerless glove, by Topshop; Purple leather glove with buckle, by Urban Outfitters; Cashmere-lined brown leather glove, by LL Bean; Hot pink leather glove with poppers, by Oasis; Twisted Twee 'Lovers' glove set, at Not On The High Street.
WOULDN’T IT BE GLOVELY? ($100 or more): Marc by Marc Jacobs woollen ruched 'Jolie' glove, at E Luxury; Raspberry leather 'Classic' glove, by Liberty; Moschino Cheap & Chic suede glove with charm, at Net-a-Porter; Burberry Prorsum leather gauntlet glove, at Net-a-Porter; Coffee python and lambskin driving mitten or iced coffee python and lambskin driving mitten, price on application, by Causse Gantier (Karl Lagerfeld’s glove manufacturer of choice!).

Next time...hats! and scarves!

All you need is positivity!

We here at Too Fat For Fashion love us some J.Hud, so when we heard this quote, from the Avon Foundation Gala earlier this week, we had to share it:

"I have the height of a model, the breasts that people pay for and the lips that everybody wants, so why should I change? I wouldn’t change myself for anything or anybody. That will never happen."

It kind of reminds me of that fabulous Grey's Anatomy quote (back when the show was still good and zeitgeisty, okay?!) from Cristina: "You are eight feet tall. Your boobs are perfect. Your hair is down to there. If I were you I would just walk around naked all the time. I wouldn't have a job, I wouldn't have any skills, I wouldn't even know how to read. I would just be... naked."


Jennifer Hudson showing off the figure in question. No news yet on fashion credits -- if anyone knows the designer behind these fab dresses please email TFFF at the usual address!

Pink to make the boys wink!

A somewhat girlie headline, but I am somewhat girlie. (Or, as my editor told me recently, "you write like Teen Vogue on crack". To which I say, pass me the pipe and renew my subscription!) I'm not entirely sure that pink does make the boys wink -- it might be that, like the thoroughly disproved 'boys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses', it's a saying that evolved purely on the basis of rhyme.

Maybe if the word for wink was, I dunno, wurple, it'd be purple to make the boys wurple, and the entire pink/wink construct is actually just a cutesy phrase to make pink sound delicious and loveable and great and sell us lots of stuff we don't need. But that sounds like crazy commie paranoia or something. (Ooh, is it a coincidence that Communists are called pinkos? Um, yes, probably.) Anyway: I love pink! And purple, incidentally, which is another of this season's top colours. But this post is about pink: I can only hope it doesn't make everyone wink madly at their screens until their bosses make them take a leave of absence.

Even UK Vogue agrees, with a hot-pink themed cover, an entirely pink photoshoot, and lots of pink make-up to spookily convert Sophie Dahl into Debbie Harry in this month's issue:

The high fashion take on pink is to wear it head-to-toe. Which looks great on the glossy pages of a magazine, but not so much in real life (although you will cheer up your fellow commuters on the bus). A head-to-toe pink theme will probably leave you looking as if your sartorial heroines are one or any of the following:

L-R: Strawberry Shortcake; Kaylee from Firefly, Glinda the Good Witch of the North.

And whilst I agree with Strawberry Shortcake that life is delicious, especially if you're a good witch, not a bad witch, I have no desire to look like a marshmallow or a layer cake. I'm just kooky that way. Instead, a chicer way to add a rosy touch to your look this winter is with cosmetics and accessories. Just a touch of pink about your outfit gives a nod to the trend without making you look like a five-year-old. Here are Too Fat For Fashion's favourite pink pieces:

Clockwise from top left: Cherry print umbrella, £12 from Monsoon / Accessorise; Pink court shoe by Kurt Geiger, £85 from Asos; Sephora Piiink range starts at $2; Hard Candy Vintage Nail Polish, $7 at Sephora; Anna Lou initial necklace (other letters available), £18 from Asos; Pink hoop earrings, $2.99 from Urban Outfitters; Frederic Malle Lipstick Rose scent, from €90, from Editions de Parfums; Benefit Powder Pop (including my eternal favourite blusher, Dandelion), $30, and 10, $28, both from Benefit; Scarlett's Deluxe Palette, $34 from Stila; Raspberry beret, £12 from Topshop.